It's all in your head ~

Good Question! :) Thanks Jessica

Wed, 06 Mar 2013 12:04:02 -0500

Sometime last year I got asked a really good question that I’ve yet to respond to…

“How do you keep your head so high?” I asked for her email because I knew this answer would be a long one. I never got around to putting thought into my answer. She reminded me the other day and said things like : “You’re a huge inspiration to me. And I neeeed to know the secret lol. Seems like you got a lot going on but you always have your head up”

Well first off I want to say thank you for the kind words and curiosity. This kinda stuff is what inspires me. Secondly, I want you to know there’s no secret. And whether or not it seems like my head is held high all the time, all this Facebook stuff is just what I choose to share with everyone. I’ve had a lot of days where my head is so low I don’t want to get out of bed or do anything at all. Just like everyone else. It takes everything I have to believe in myself and honestly a lot of the times it makes me feel crazy. Like I see something/ want something that no one else really believes in. But in order to make people believe, I just have to keep going. At this point there is no possible way to stop the drive and passion I have to succeed. It’s like building a train that builds its own track along the way and doesn’t stop building until it gets all the way around the world. There is no more option off dropping my head - It’s stuck up. Lol how ironic does that sound? In context - I am calling myself stuck up. But those are just words - I really want you to understand that. My opinion of myself has NOTHING to do with how I see the whole rest of the world and everyone else in it. I have lower self esteem then the majority of the people I know. I do feel beautiful in my images but what you have to understand is - that’s just an image. It’s almost like a roll play - they are meant to look a certain way.

I’ve fallen in love and lost my mind - more than once.

I’ve wanted the things I cannot have my whole entire life.

I look in the mirror and feel disappointed at least once a day.

But at the end of everyday one thing is certain. Success is something I want more than absolutely anything. There is no one else in this world that could give me everything I want besides myself. & Unfortunately a lot of the things I want do include money. But I’m willing to put in the work. I don’t have a credit card that mom and dad gave me or a brand new Benz they bought me. But I will get both those things, and they will be that much better because I worked for them. I keep my head high because that’s where the sun light comes from, and who knows - If I look down, I might fall. It’s all in your head.

www.dreenasworld.com

Sun, 22 Jan 2012 10:56:49 -0500

www.dreenasworld.com

It's not that I could never find another to replace you, I just really really didn't want too ~

Sun, 22 Jan 2012 10:24:40 -0500

www.dreenasworld.com

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Sat, 21 Jan 2012 18:16:39 -0500

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Sat, 21 Jan 2012 18:03:39 -0500

Tumblr mobile needs to step its game up.

Sat, 14 Jan 2012 19:22:36 -0500

Forrrreaallll

Social Network Sickness.

Sat, 14 Jan 2012 17:58:46 -0500

Log out of Facebook and Twitter for 10 days. It’s 11:53 on Thursday 1.12.2012 ~ First morning without logging in… Ugh its such a habit I don’t even barely realize I’m doing it. It’s 9am and this is like the fifth urg I’ve had to fucking check it… Ugh

Woke up this morning to a text that literally made my day: “You gotta be as enthusiastic as I am, I miss seein your beautiful self” 9:01

I want to log in so bad. 10:38 11:07- MaryJane respect: When you are in the passenger seat and you have the bowl, grinder, and weed all in your lap. The weed belongs to the driver. Waiting for the word to get it out, then also waiting for the word to pack it. Then handing it to the driver to hit first. Respect :)

8:27pm day 1 Damn this sucks hahaha I feel like a true addict its retarded. I almost typed Facebook.com on my phone earlier without even realizing I was doing it! Kinda pathetic that I have to do this but I really have no other choice if I wanna get over the boy situation. How pathetic the relationship that means the most to me to hold onto has dwindled down to Facebook and Twitter…. What a fucking ass hole. I sit around spending so much time thinking what I could’ve done different or how I could make things better and its just not healthy. He doesn’t deserve me to care that much nor does he want me too. I’m not wrong for being sensitive and I’m not wrong for not being how I am about the situation. He’s just not right for me right now. I’m right for me. And I can’t handle him in my life without hearing I’m sorry first.

3:18pm I wanna log in soooo bad :’(

5:51pm Bust it, Bust it ~ Bust it like you can’t afford a car You a star, you look in the mirror, you know who you are, right? Cool, take it low, take it way lower than that I fly private when I go, ain’t no layover on that Yeah I made it to the top, took a seat, still seated mane I’m in a stadium in DC still tippin mane She couldn’t pay tuition 5 times, still strippin I just throw a couple bills and she’ll have a pair of heels Oh no, there I go, magic trickin on your ass Throwing every president except for Nixon on your ass Make you rich, I feel like I should make commission on your ass Wonder what you’d ever do if I went missing on your ass.. This made.me think of Monica! nd I’m so saddd because I miss her and that song she jaaams to and I love it <3 and she’s not answering my texts and I’m banned from fbook and Twitter :’( ugh so annoying that this is haaapppening haha but I’m literally like going through rehab.

Social Network Sickness. Today I relapsed a little but it was fun…. :} My wonderful best friend (Beautiful) danielle wanted to know about Twitter sooo I had an excuse to go on, on someone elllssse’s phone ;) So technically I didn’t log on. Wasn’t my name, wasn’t my email, wasn’t my phone 8) #YeahhhhhBuddy.. Hehe and I even tweeted like 5-10 times for her just to showww her the ropes u know? Ugh it was great. :) Good and Bad. bad and good. Welcome to my life lol

As Long As They Are Watching, You Are Doing Something Right

Sat, 14 Jan 2012 17:42:58 -0500

8) Sunglasses coming soon by Cings&Queens

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Sat, 14 Jan 2012 17:41:58 -0500

Log Out Challenge

Fri, 13 Jan 2012 13:58:59 -0500

I’m actually enjoying this so far :} It’s giving me a chance to write more than before and actually focus on the things I need to get done. While also blogging more than usual, which is what I like best anyways.

I have recognized my faults and that’s the worst part about being alone in this period of challenging myself. Because it is me I need to work on, it is me I need to focus on, and I pushed away a lot of people who attempted to be close to me in the mean time. So for that I feel guilty, irrational, and regretful. I don’t want anger to have that much pull on my actions, but it is my quickest defense mechanism. If I get angry, it’s the easiest way to prevent others from seeing what’s really going on in my head. If you don’t know, you can’t hurt me. If I get mad, I can run away. It’s all about the escape. Because I live in fear of someone actually staying. Because I know how truly hard it is to live with myself, and sometimes I don’t think I could expect someone else to put me on their plate.

Growing Up Psychic

Wed, 11 Jan 2012 22:03:39 -0500

“I always felt bad for doing that, but since I never meant to do it in the first place, I couldn’t see how I could stop myself from doing it again.”

Heartless. Homeless. More than a mess. And I did it all for love...

Wed, 11 Jan 2012 00:15:41 -0500

I don’t even have a place to rest my head, I cant remember the feeling of my own bed. I don’t know what’s more wrecked my mind or my stuff, I try to believe I’m a diamond in all this rough. Literally boxes turn upside down and shaken. All my emotions have been taken. I fell in love and followed my heart, But that games over and I have to restart. Reboot the system, starting over from scratch. I was always a girl who wanted to attach. Now I’m different, once again there’s a new me.

2012 means change ~

Angels In Hell Preview

Mon, 09 Jan 2012 13:52:16 -0500

The pretty ocean turned colder, as the winter settled in.
Everyones patience started to grow thin.
The spring time came and no happy seeds were planted,
everyone started taking life for granted.
From good to evil, I don’t know when it turned over-
like the drug addict that will promise you he’s sober.
It’s unclear, the story is for ever changing,
always new characters and things rearranging.
It may have always been this way, I just didn’t see.
I could have been mislead by all the beautiful nature around me.
But there was a point in time when Hell froze over,
Hell was more unlikely to find then a four leaf clover.
But we did it, somehow us humans willed it to arrive.
Right here on our door steps, it wants you dead or alive.

You can never be satisfied in Hell.
You can never feel comfort, you can never feel well.
You sleep with lonliness, and hate is your best friend.
You wake up realizing your dream was just pretend.
And that’s when it stings, when you first open your eyes.
And realize your dreams were so much better than the sun rise.
The sun was always beautiful, but it never stayed for long.
It had to leave here, because it knows right from wrong.
But all the people who wake up here everyday,
To them it’s just normal. Everything just happens this way.
Seasons pass and the pain becomes deeper.
In hell they burry your happiness steeper and steeper.
They will hide it from you when you least expect it.
They will steal from your closet and not give a shit.
Even when you will give the shirt from your back,
They will take more when you aren’t watching the rack.
These people don’t know that what they do is wrong,
It’s been happening forever, its gone on way too long.
In Hell there are angels, but they’re are not meant to stay.
God knows they can fly, up up and away.
So he sends them here just a few at a time,
To see what he can stir up, at the drop of a dime.

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Tue, 03 Jan 2012 13:48:15 -0500

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Tue, 20 Dec 2011 01:50:20 -0500

Redemption

Wed, 14 Dec 2011 13:03:36 -0500

You take their mistakes, and just keep track.

You do not hold onto the traits they prove to lack.

People cannot be perfect, the flaws are inevitable.

Although they do practice life attempting the incredible.

It is wrong to hold a grudge for the mistakes,

It is wrong to hyper focus on how your heart aches.

You must be strong, and treat others how you want to be treated.

While creating a mindset that can never be defeated.

Be the change you wish to see in the world,

Learn from others mistakes, not matter how many lies have been twirled.

You must find your own truth, and lead in a way that others will follow.

Just behave how you hope others would & be the star of the show.

What I learn from everyone elses faults is that I want to live life to the fullest,

Always trying to keep a smile on my face.

A good attitude, a possitive mindset, and the motivation to win the race.

Life is all choices, and I choose to be okay.

No matter who walks in and out of my life from day to day.

I only see the mistakes they make as an obstacle I need to climb.

So I step right over with strength, and continue to make my rhymes.

Cause my passion is what essentially helps me to be okay,

I express my pain rather than supress my pain, and it shortly goes away.

Things cant bottle up if you release them out of the box.

But you must be brave enough to put the key into your most delicate locks.

You must have the courage to verbalize all your pain,

You must try to be true to yourself while there’s so many other things to be maintained.

I cannot ridicule those who dont find it as easy as me,

We all develop at our own pace, and at times we’re all a little crazy.

I’m not sure if I’ll ever have anyone else figured out,

But I can at least say I know myself without a doubt.

I always expressed myself and allowed myself to feel pain.

And after I felt it, it didnt stir inside of me, the sun cleared up the rain.

It’s amazing how much your mind can develop,

if only you plant the right seeds.

And garden them with the most delicate passion,

while directing your own path no matter who attempts to lead.

9.18.11

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Wed, 07 Dec 2011 12:08:07 -0500

Waves of Love

Mon, 05 Dec 2011 18:30:15 -0500

All I’ve ever known is pain when it comes to love. So I do feel like this is supposed to hurt. But there has to be a reason right ? A reason the fire isn’t out, A reason everybody else I doubt. You are still so beautiful in my memory. And nothing about you means any bad to me. All I have left is love, once the pain washes away. It’s like water crashing on rocks day after day. The water never stops and continues to spread on the rocks, but the rocks stay hard and in place. Eventually its like the rocks and ocean all become one, somewhere deep in the ocean. But on the surface, the differences are very distinct. Like a starfish the waves and rocks are linked. But every now and then when the winds cool down and the rocks are exposed, The moon is out and all the real feelings show. The rocks resemble my heart and how in place it will stay. The waves represent differences of my life on the day to day. Always splashing over my heart at a different pace, But constantly coming back with new splashes in your face. The salt is something you can’t erase, its in the water forever no matter the pace. So my heart stays like the rocks, in one place, always loving you. And all the other waves are what I can’t see through. I get all twisted because the constant new waves, but really without them I wouldn’t know how to behave….. ~

I need motion, constant commotion. Because my heart is as big as the blue ocean. And my love is red like the blood that runs through me, Beauty is painful and it always will be. <3

Day 20 ~ I’m Addicted to Pizza

Thu, 01 Dec 2011 00:28:04 -0500

Day 20 ~ I’m Addicted to Pizza

Day 19 ~ I’m Addicted to my dreams

Thu, 01 Dec 2011 00:27:00 -0500

Day 19 ~ I’m Addicted to my dreams